All of us have, and use, internal dialogue; those thoughts and ideas that make up how we talk to ourselves. Oftentimes, our internal dialogue pushes us to get over our fears, try something new, reach our potential. But when our thoughts become toxic and self-defeating, they have the opposite effect. Suddenly our inner critic takes over, preventing us from reaching higher, or learning from our mistakes, or just moving on.
Even the most successful people have to deal with their inner critic but they use strategies to overcome theirs and you can, too. Here’s how:
1-Listen to yourself. Pay attention to your inner self-talk. Are you berating yourself for not speaking up at a meeting? Criticizing yourself for a mistake on a report? Are you telling yourself you’ll never get that promotion? Would you speak to a friend this way? When you find your thoughts turning negative, temporarily distract yourself with an activity to break the pattern, such as a walk outside or some other physical activity. It’s a way to stop your thoughts from spiraling downward.
2-Examine the evidence. When your thoughts turn to worrying and mulling over all the reasons why you’re bound to fail, start looking for evidence. Write down a list of reasons you would fail, then a list of reasons you wouldn’t. Writing out these ideas helps you take a more fact-based approach to your work performance and makes things less emotional. Remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t facts; they aren’t 100% true.
3-Balance self-critique with self-improvement. If you’ve made a mistake or failed to meet a deadline at work, it’s OK to be real about it. But instead of letting the inner critic take over and tell you you’ll “never amount to anything”, take a step back. Assess what happened and decide how you’ll improve next time. It’s OK to honestly assess your performance and find room for improvement. Successful people use their mistakes (and failures!) as lessons and opportunities to do better next time.
Instead of telling yourself you’re not good enough to lead the team, manage the challenging project, or get a promotion, try practicing positive self-talk. Talk to yourself the way you would a friend; by offering encouragement, support and ideas.
